Unconditionally
by Newgirl78
Summary: The only way Jess can move forward is to finally put her past behind her. Would she really let Nick go? And even if she tried, would he let her? **An extra bit of fluff for Valentine's Day.**


_Unconditionally_ by Katy Perry gives me all the Nick and Jess feels right now. Add this to my complete fascination/astonishment with how this entire season has progressed and where it's all going to end, I gift to you a nice little fluff piece. Happy Valentine's Day!

_Oh no, did I get too close?  
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?  
All your insecurities  
All the dirty laundry  
Never made me blink one time_

_Come just as you are to me_  
_Don't need apologies_  
_Know that you are worthy_  
_I'll take your bad days with your good_  
_Walk through the storm I would_  
_I do it all because I love you, I love you_

* * *

Jess had found herself coming here a lot lately. Sometimes she liked to make her way to the ocean, but other times she would just sit in her car and revel in the clarity that the solitude would bring. It was so calm and peaceful here, and it reminded her of a time back in Mexico where everything was simple. When everything was so new and exciting, and just made _sense._

They had been fighting a lot lately. Not over anything in particular, but just being generally irritated with each other. It started just after her sister had decided to go back to Portland and they had somehow ended up back in two separate rooms again. Things had seemed to be working out so well when they had been forced to share Nick's room, and then it all started to fall apart.

She didn't know where they were headed anymore, and she came here, in all honesty, to get away from the loft to think. Parking her car, she sat for a few minutes before grabbing a blanket from the backseat. She was about to curse herself for not wearing warmer clothes when she caught sight of Nick's navy blue hoodie on the passenger seat. Cracking a slight smile, she put it on and leaned her head back to close her eyes. Inhaling deeply she was momentarily calmed by his scent until overwhelming sadness started to creep into her heart.

What was happening to them? Was this it? She loved him so much that all this seemed to hurt more than anything else she had felt her entire life.

Sighing, she pulled the keys from the ignition and stepped out of the car, hit with a cool ocean breeze. As she made her way down the sand, she noticed that she was the only person on the beach as far as she could see in either direction. It was both a relief and a disappointment. Although she wanted to get away from her sadness and fears, she had also been feeling very lonely lately, something that wouldn't be resolved by more solitude here. Collapsing onto the cool sand, she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and took a deep breath.

She sat there for awhile, watching the sky change from a golden orange to purple to black. The ocean waves almost lulled her to sleep and she felt a calm and peace finally settle into her heart again. She _needed _this to feel some sort of control over her life, but she was starting to worry that she had to come here more and more frequently to find it. Her thoughts were momentarily startled by a sound in the distance.

She heard a car door close behind her and her body tensed.

She knew that sound. The little clatter as it latched closed. The way it had creaked open before the driver had stepped onto the pavement.

It was Nick.

Closing her eyes, she listened for his heavy footsteps in the sand, holding her breath until she felt the smallest bit of sand hit her back as he stood behind her.

"Jess?"

Leaning forward to rest her chin on her knees, she hugged her legs closer. "Please go home, Nick. I'm fine."

He paused for a moment and she wondered if he was really going to leave, but he finally sat down hesitantly beside her and she could feel his eyes bearing down on her.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" His voice was quiet. "Just tell me what I did wrong."

She flinched at his words, swallowing hard and feeling hot tears burn her eyes. They sat in silence, before she sniffled softly, quickly swiping the blanket across her cheeks.

Nick sighed next to her, scooting a few inches closer, but still not touching. "Jess, I'm sorry."

She dropped her hands to the sand and stared out into the ocean. Her voice cracked. "Sorry?"

"For everything? Whatever I did. Whatever I said to make you so upset."

She closed her eyes again, inhaling sharply several times and feeling the hot tears begin to fall down her cheeks.

At that moment, Nick wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her arm with the other and pulled her close. As she collapsed into his side, he kissed the top of her head.

"Jess, I don't understand what's been going on, but you can talk to me."

Sniffling once more, she pulled her arm from his grasp and reached for his hand. Entwining his finger in hers, she brushed the loose hair from her face and glanced up at him.

His expression was one she was having trouble reading.

He looked lost. Scared even. Something seemed to be missing. There was so much sadness there and she couldn't help but feel guilty that maybe some of this was her fault. She searched his eyes again and took a deep breath.

"We're not okay, are we?"

"I want to be. I want to make things right. Jess, please tell me what I did. I honestly don't know. And that probably makes me this terrible boyfriend, but...please at least let me _try_ to fix this." She saw a tear slip from under his eyelid. "Please?"

Reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, she bit her lip and shook her head. "I miss you."

"Jess, I'm right here. Why do you keep saying that?"

"No. I can't explain it." Dropping her gaze, she began to swirl her index finger in the sand. "It's like something's been missing. Ever since Abby left..."

Nick leaned over to kiss her forehead. "If you miss your sister, I'm totally here for you. I just want to make sure that's all this is."

She shrugged her shoulders. She knew what she needed to tell him, but it was so hard that she couldn't think straight to get out the words. "Nick, I think we should..." She tilted her head back and looked at him. So vulnerable. So terrified of what she would say next. She took another deep breath.

Nick sat there frozen, his body tense, and she shook her head to continue.

"A few weeks ago, Abby said some things that really scared me Nick. She reminded me of everything that happened when we were growing up. The way our parents fought, how hard it was... All those feelings came back and I was scared."

She glanced up at Nick's blank expression. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I thought that the same thing would happen to us, so I pulled away. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to start to hate me. But then..." She closed her eyes and clenched her hand in the sand. "Then I realized that as long as I have you, I don't have to worry about any of that. Because you've always been there for me and I love you so much and..."

Unable to speak another word, her head collapsed into her hands and she started to cry. Confused and in pain watching her so upset, Nick rubbed her back firmly.

"Jess..." Nick leaned over, pulling her hair off her cheeks and stroking her skin gently. "I'd do anything to make you happy. It's killing me to see you so upset."

Taking a deep breath, she sat up and slid closer to him, curling into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. They sat and watched the ocean, letting the sounds of the waves begin to relax them. Wrapping her fingers around his elbow, she pulled his arms tightly around her and pressed her cheek to his chest.

"Nick, I need you." She whispered softly. "I want to take the next step with you."

"Jess..." There was a long pause, and she suddenly found herself holding her breath as her entire body tensed. Slowly she sat up, turning towards Nick. His eyes were cast downward and his jaw was clenched. Staring at him with wide eyes, she shook her head slowly and he finally raised his eyes to hers. Grabbing her hand in both of his, he gently massaged her fingers and she saw him take a shaky breath.

"Jess, I need to ask you something."

"Okay." Her voice quivered, steeling herself for what may be coming. She blinked against the breeze that had picked up off the water.

"What if I wanted all those things too?"

"What things?"

"Everything. The next step."

Blinking back tears, she nodded slowly. "I...I miss being with you Nick. I mean, living with you. Sharing..."

"I do too." A small smile came across his face and she finally felt some of the tension leaving her body. He squeezed her hand once again. "I want to take the next step."

She just nodded, biting her lip. She watched his face closely for a minute, not sure what he was thinking. Her heart began to race and she felt a wave of nervousness wash over her. Then, Nick looked up at her with the same determined and confident expression on his face that she had seen more and more from him over the last few months. That look when he had grabbed her and kissed her in the hallway, when he had pushed open the elevator doors, and when he had admitted to coming back to the loft because of _her. _

He stared directly into her eyes and smiled. "Jess, I want to get married."

Inhaling sharply, she gasped. She could feel the tears in her eyes again and a smile spread across her face. All she could do was nod, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into a hug.

Pressing his face into the side of her neck, Nick let out a small laugh, before whispering softly against her skin. "Will you marry me?"

Pulling back, all she could do was take a deep breath before laying her hands gently on his cheeks and lifting her lips to kiss him. His lips chased hers as the both started laughing, smiling against one another until they both pulled back.

"Wait." Nick's face fell all of a sudden and he frantically patted the pockets on his jacket, until he finally found what he was looking for. Pulling a small black box out between his fingers, he glanced up at her shocked face. "Jess, I want you to know, that I've been planning this for weeks. When Abby was here and you moved into my room with me, I knew. But then everything started to fall apart and I thought..." He took a deep breath. "I thought that you were having second thoughts about us. I thought...maybe you wanted this to be over."

"NO. Nick..." Her face fell into a frown and she kissed his cheek, leaning her forehead to his. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's been wrong with me. I felt like we had lost something. I was so lonely..." She sat back and frowned again. "I loved sharing a room with you so much and then...I felt like I had to leave when Abby moved out."

"God, I felt the same way." Nick gasped in relief and shook his head. "You seemed so excited to have your room back and...I didn't want to pressure you." He brushed his knuckles across her cheek. "I knew something was wrong and I just got more and more angry that I couldn't fix it. I felt like you were pushing me away."

"I'm sorry." She shook her head, trying to catch her breath. "Abby being here was...it was nice, but it brought back so many feelings I didn't want to think about." Nick frowned, but stroked her cheek, urging her to continue. "Everything came flooding back and I started to wonder if it could happen again...with us.'

Nick leaned down to press a soft kiss on lips, before rubbing her tears away with his thumb. "Maybe it won't be easy, you know? But that's okay."

"Yeah," A slow smile spread across her face. "we'll be okay."

Nick smiled back at her and they sat in a silence for a minute before Nick's voice wavered softly. "Ya know, you didn't answer my question..." Pulling back, Jess looked down as Nick opened the box laying in his lap and grasped a small diamond ring in his finger. "Jessica, I started to fall in the love with you the moment you walked in the door. Even if this is hard, I...that's what makes us so amazing." He slipped the ring on her finger and took a deep breath. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes, Nick." She nodded, a huge smile spreading across her face. Sliding her arms tightly around his neck, she slid into his lap and released a happy sigh of relief. "I've never wanted anything so much."

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair. He loved this woman so much, and the thought that he might have lost her by being afraid, scared him more than he could say.

"I'm here for you. Always. Okay?"

Loosening her grip, Jess leaned back and gave him a watery smile. "Me too."

Reaching up to grab her left hand from his shoulder, Nick rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, poking at her ring. "This was my Ma's ring." Jess' face fell as she glanced between the ring and Nick's face in disbelief. "I know that Walt made a lot of mistakes, but I know he loved her. And..." Nick took a deep breath, grabbing her hand tightly. "It's going to remind me every day I can be better for you. I promise."

Unable to speak, Jess laid her opposite hand on the side of his face and kissed him softly. "You're already exactly what I want."


End file.
